If you watch the goddamn Puppy Bowl instead of the Super Bowl today, the terrorists win.
THIS IS AMERICA, BITCHES. In this, the greatest country in the history of the universe, REAL AMERICANS gather on this holiest of days to watch MEN partake in the MANLIEST SPORT OF ALL, AMERICAN FOOTBALL, and to watch CORPORATIONS (who are ALSO PEOPLE) hawk their wares at $3.5 million per 30 seconds, while consuming those most AMERICAN of foods, chicken wings and beer and pizza and heros, in a beautiful orgy of violence, consumerism, and excess that represents the VERY BEST that these UNITED STATES OF AMERICA have to offer.
Amen.
I’m Samit Sarkar, a 26-year-old reporter for Polygon. You may also know me from my four-plus years as an associate editor at Destructoid.
I’m a stickler for proper English — grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc. — so if you see any mistakes in my writing, let me know. And if you see mistakes elsewhere, let me know, because I’ll want to point them out here and laugh (à la English Fail Blog). I might even put some on The Grammar Nazi, a Tumblr that I contribute to.
You can contact me at samit [dot] sarkar [at] gmail [dot] com, or on Twitter (see below). I’m also on Facebook.
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